Is Faith Rational?
First, I have to offer both apologies and a hat tip to my brilliant blog friend, Adam Gurri (Sophistpundit). He's written some posts lately regarding belief, and frequently in the years I've read him brought me 'round the wagon of Rationalism - never in a religious frame of reference, however. But, if you know me, that's where I go with it. Hope you don't mind, Adam.
My dad asked me two years ago why it is I believe in a God, and then why the particular "God of Abraham." I though about it for a very long time, enjoying the comfortably patient silence as we walked together. I began to talk about some of my random, quite unraveled thoughts regarding intelligent design, Biblical prophecy, etc. But, rambling on during our long walk in early fall, I knew I wasn't going much further than the colorful leaves falling to the ground. So, I stopped with a sigh, and said, "Dad, I just know it's true. And, as hard as I search, I can't find any evidence to shake that knowledge."
My dad replied, "Well, I just know it's NOT true. And, as hard as I search, I can't find any evidence to shake THAT knowledge."
My answer was not a good answer, at least it wasn't a persuasive answer, and it certainly left me feeling that I had let my dad down. I've been thinking about this ever since. Can we have a reasonable discussion about faith? Sure. We can both be reasonable. We can even have a rational discussion - with rational words, rational temperament, rational thoughts. But can we rational-IZE faith? I didn't think so in that moment, nor do I now. I mean, try it. Try to rationalize your faith (or lack thereof), explaining it in a way that anyone who doesn't believe as you must say, "Ahhh, your right! It all makes so much sense - there's no way around that logic!" I can't - and somehow it seems wrong when I try.
I'm working out what this means to me today - how it has affected changes to my behavior, thoughts, habits. I know accepting that it's not really rational has made my faith grow. Weird. I know that it's made me less an "evangelist" and more a "relationalist" or an "experientialist" - definitely more of a listener than a teller. I think most importantly, it has made me more patient to allow others room to discover and describe what it is they "know" to be true. I worry that I am giving in to some New Age universalism or relativism. But, I don't think everyone has their "own truth" - just possibly that everyone has their own path to truth. And my faith does insist that truth is only Jesus.
See, I can't really convince or persuade you that what I happen to "just know" must be true. It's in my head, not yours - and it's near impossible to translate knowledge directly into knowledge. In the sciences, we translate knowledge into theory based on evidences. In childhood learning, we translate knowledge into components - ABC's/123's/cows say moo! In training, we translate knowledge into rote and repetition. Keeping it simple, these types of knowledge are incomplete and translation is made only in pieces. But belief/faith is a knowledge that appears "complete" and does not translate. It is or it isn't until it is or it isn't.
Hmmmm.... I'll keep thinking about it. What do you think?
My dad asked me two years ago why it is I believe in a God, and then why the particular "God of Abraham." I though about it for a very long time, enjoying the comfortably patient silence as we walked together. I began to talk about some of my random, quite unraveled thoughts regarding intelligent design, Biblical prophecy, etc. But, rambling on during our long walk in early fall, I knew I wasn't going much further than the colorful leaves falling to the ground. So, I stopped with a sigh, and said, "Dad, I just know it's true. And, as hard as I search, I can't find any evidence to shake that knowledge."
My dad replied, "Well, I just know it's NOT true. And, as hard as I search, I can't find any evidence to shake THAT knowledge."
My answer was not a good answer, at least it wasn't a persuasive answer, and it certainly left me feeling that I had let my dad down. I've been thinking about this ever since. Can we have a reasonable discussion about faith? Sure. We can both be reasonable. We can even have a rational discussion - with rational words, rational temperament, rational thoughts. But can we rational-IZE faith? I didn't think so in that moment, nor do I now. I mean, try it. Try to rationalize your faith (or lack thereof), explaining it in a way that anyone who doesn't believe as you must say, "Ahhh, your right! It all makes so much sense - there's no way around that logic!" I can't - and somehow it seems wrong when I try.
I'm working out what this means to me today - how it has affected changes to my behavior, thoughts, habits. I know accepting that it's not really rational has made my faith grow. Weird. I know that it's made me less an "evangelist" and more a "relationalist" or an "experientialist" - definitely more of a listener than a teller. I think most importantly, it has made me more patient to allow others room to discover and describe what it is they "know" to be true. I worry that I am giving in to some New Age universalism or relativism. But, I don't think everyone has their "own truth" - just possibly that everyone has their own path to truth. And my faith does insist that truth is only Jesus.
See, I can't really convince or persuade you that what I happen to "just know" must be true. It's in my head, not yours - and it's near impossible to translate knowledge directly into knowledge. In the sciences, we translate knowledge into theory based on evidences. In childhood learning, we translate knowledge into components - ABC's/123's/cows say moo! In training, we translate knowledge into rote and repetition. Keeping it simple, these types of knowledge are incomplete and translation is made only in pieces. But belief/faith is a knowledge that appears "complete" and does not translate. It is or it isn't until it is or it isn't.
Hmmmm.... I'll keep thinking about it. What do you think?
Are you still blogging?
So....
How are you?
Me? I'm still standing... walking, running, sometimes jumping! I know! Right? Well, I can't say I should be doing all that, but it feels good to know I can if I really need to. I'm on quite a full diet of drugs right now, but weaning off the steroids as I'm leading into methotrexate for treatment. Doc sees nothing more ominous in the works than the psoriatic arthritis. Apparently, my liver is very attractive, and the x-rays show no permanent damage to my joints and bones, so the goal is to treat this aggressively to get ahead of it. I'm feeling pretty good and hopeful at the moment. Existing relatively pain free is a blessing. Funny how I took that for granted.
Am I still a Texas Chilly? I've grown to love New England, and look forward to the chill in the air. It's true you can't take the Texan out of a girl - still say, "fixin' ta..." whenever I find the opportunity. But I'm telling ya, the Red Hot Heat runs away as quick as it can. Oh, I'll miss 70 in January - heck, I'll miss 45. But just the thought of 100 for the few moments it takes to run from the door to the mailbox makes me uncomfortable now. Yet, I'd still go home in a heartbeat. Yeah, I guess I am that same old conflicted Texas Chilly. ;)
Of course, that's not really been the focus of my blog for some time. I'm trying to figure how blogging fits into my life now. I have a lot to say, but becoming more and more convinced that it's either stuff that will make you say, "DUH!" rather than "Hmmm..." or it's not really important to anyone but me. None of my thoughts are new, per se, and that's the point. I've heard these things over and over - and it was personal experience that made it significant. Never the words.
I still find value in blogging. I have found it a catalyst to embracing others, listening to something other than my own voices (yeah, there's more than one!), and finding beauty in moments I've never had myself. I've also seen it as trainer in my character when I am able to witness the rare individual who uses the feeling of anonymity to fully extend the bitter rotten depths of their flesh, or worse, convince themselves that those depths are gifts from the Spirit. I'm grateful to now recognize that in myself before it's too late.
Perhaps the most valuable gift blogging has offered is consistent encouragement and the ability to do the same for another in any moment of my day. It's given me insight to expound on that gift to those physically present in my life in a way I've never been able to. With my health worries, it stands to reason that I should be at my lowest point - but I'm not. In fact, I'm soaring higher than I can remember (and, no, it's not the Vicodin).
Encourage one another, as long as it is today. This means to give courage - not just a pat on the back, saying, "Great job!" or "You're always right!" There's lots of ways to give courage - help with a burden, work arm-in-arm, give a list of the characteristics someone has that will help them overcome, or try to teach them the ones they lack, remind them that each burden is a often a blessing when looked at in the right way. And never fail to help someone see that life's worries are temporary, what seems punishment is momentary and the rain falls on the good and the wicked. I hope you let mercy be your chosen form of encouragement.
How are you?
Me? I'm still standing... walking, running, sometimes jumping! I know! Right? Well, I can't say I should be doing all that, but it feels good to know I can if I really need to. I'm on quite a full diet of drugs right now, but weaning off the steroids as I'm leading into methotrexate for treatment. Doc sees nothing more ominous in the works than the psoriatic arthritis. Apparently, my liver is very attractive, and the x-rays show no permanent damage to my joints and bones, so the goal is to treat this aggressively to get ahead of it. I'm feeling pretty good and hopeful at the moment. Existing relatively pain free is a blessing. Funny how I took that for granted.
Am I still a Texas Chilly? I've grown to love New England, and look forward to the chill in the air. It's true you can't take the Texan out of a girl - still say, "fixin' ta..." whenever I find the opportunity. But I'm telling ya, the Red Hot Heat runs away as quick as it can. Oh, I'll miss 70 in January - heck, I'll miss 45. But just the thought of 100 for the few moments it takes to run from the door to the mailbox makes me uncomfortable now. Yet, I'd still go home in a heartbeat. Yeah, I guess I am that same old conflicted Texas Chilly. ;)
Of course, that's not really been the focus of my blog for some time. I'm trying to figure how blogging fits into my life now. I have a lot to say, but becoming more and more convinced that it's either stuff that will make you say, "DUH!" rather than "Hmmm..." or it's not really important to anyone but me. None of my thoughts are new, per se, and that's the point. I've heard these things over and over - and it was personal experience that made it significant. Never the words.
I still find value in blogging. I have found it a catalyst to embracing others, listening to something other than my own voices (yeah, there's more than one!), and finding beauty in moments I've never had myself. I've also seen it as trainer in my character when I am able to witness the rare individual who uses the feeling of anonymity to fully extend the bitter rotten depths of their flesh, or worse, convince themselves that those depths are gifts from the Spirit. I'm grateful to now recognize that in myself before it's too late.
Perhaps the most valuable gift blogging has offered is consistent encouragement and the ability to do the same for another in any moment of my day. It's given me insight to expound on that gift to those physically present in my life in a way I've never been able to. With my health worries, it stands to reason that I should be at my lowest point - but I'm not. In fact, I'm soaring higher than I can remember (and, no, it's not the Vicodin).
Encourage one another, as long as it is today. This means to give courage - not just a pat on the back, saying, "Great job!" or "You're always right!" There's lots of ways to give courage - help with a burden, work arm-in-arm, give a list of the characteristics someone has that will help them overcome, or try to teach them the ones they lack, remind them that each burden is a often a blessing when looked at in the right way. And never fail to help someone see that life's worries are temporary, what seems punishment is momentary and the rain falls on the good and the wicked. I hope you let mercy be your chosen form of encouragement.
The most wonderful time of the year...
Well, my oldest became a teen yesterday. The day before that, I bought a cane since my left leg is not fully accountable to the rest of my body these days.
I'm feeling old.
But I'm also feeling mature. Mind you, I'm not giving up my silly, I just feel ... settled or content. That's not so bad, right?
Contentment does not lead to much blogging, though. :o}
I have my health issues, but I don't see the need to whine about it, just update when I have news. My faith is strong - or at least stronger than it's been. Not feeling the need to have all the answers. At home, we're churning out the daily grind, and it's moving quite well. I have some political angst, but it comes in spurts that pander out to nothing by the end of the day, so anything I write is almost immediately a regret. Being with friends, loving and being loved has been incredible. Seeing my family - husband and kids - stepping up to help me and do for each other the things I cannot has been inspiring and made my own struggles worth it.
The leaves are just beginning to turn, and a hint of gold has touched the pond. If I look closely, a few sumac leaves have snuck into their vibrant red pajamas. I'm excited to watch it all happen again and curious which of my favorite trees retained enough limbs after last year's ice storm to take my breath away again this fall. I wonder if I'll find a walking buddy who doesn't mind my slow paced, three-legged gait? Soon we'll have some homemade mile-high apple pies; costumes to build; pumpkins to carve; coats, mittens and boots to hunt down; friends and family to welcome into our home.
But, now?
Now, it's a time to rest, for just a moment and savor the anticipation...
I should be grateful...
{{UPDATE 8/12/2009: I got good medicine today!! Lots of blood taken for testing, too. She gave me a stronger anti-inflammatory and I can certainly feel a difference after one dose. She gave me some vicodon as well, but I don't think I need it tonight. Better than all of that was a very timely study with my women's study group on trusting God in our sufferings. I am renewed in spirit! But I'm no fool to believe I won't need constant renewal. :) God is good.}}
I am so tired of feeling like a complainer. Actually, I'm tired of feeling. I'm really understanding Mr. Jackson's desire to use a potent drug to stop feeling and just rest. I think I might also be understanding the gloved hand and tape on his finger joints, finally. Ha!
At this moment, I only have free movement of my left arm and three fingers on my right hand. My spine feels as though it's been fused to barbed wire. I can walk with effort, but I don't want to. Breathing hurts. I'm tired of crying. Today has thus far been the worst, and I simply cannot imagine living like this for the rest of my days. I'm in mourning. I don't know for sure, but it's very likely that my life will never be the same, never be pain free again. This is not what I anticipated at 35 and at the height of my parenting career.
I keep praying that whatever lesson I need to learn is learned quickly or that I can simply have a little mercy.
Then I feel ridiculous. I know so many people suffering so many pains for so many years and here I am begging for mercy in just a few weeks! I'm not dying, and I should be grateful. My family is well; my kids are full of compassion, and I should be grateful. I have a small army of supporters, and I should be grateful.
But I'm not.
I am so tired of feeling like a complainer. Actually, I'm tired of feeling. I'm really understanding Mr. Jackson's desire to use a potent drug to stop feeling and just rest. I think I might also be understanding the gloved hand and tape on his finger joints, finally. Ha!
At this moment, I only have free movement of my left arm and three fingers on my right hand. My spine feels as though it's been fused to barbed wire. I can walk with effort, but I don't want to. Breathing hurts. I'm tired of crying. Today has thus far been the worst, and I simply cannot imagine living like this for the rest of my days. I'm in mourning. I don't know for sure, but it's very likely that my life will never be the same, never be pain free again. This is not what I anticipated at 35 and at the height of my parenting career.
I keep praying that whatever lesson I need to learn is learned quickly or that I can simply have a little mercy.
Then I feel ridiculous. I know so many people suffering so many pains for so many years and here I am begging for mercy in just a few weeks! I'm not dying, and I should be grateful. My family is well; my kids are full of compassion, and I should be grateful. I have a small army of supporters, and I should be grateful.
But I'm not.
One Foot in Front of the Other
Hi, friends. It's been quiet - and not just in my little part of the world wide web. Each year about this time, a lull settles - especially for those of us in the US and/or with younger children. (Or those painting lovely murals that take some lucky owner to far away places!)
I've been enjoying Connie's beautiful photos and often use her posts to meditate on God's word. Her travels have truly inspired her - and me in turn.
I continue to be informed and entertained by our friend Kansas Bob. He's built up quite a following! I don't comment as much, so I don't know the new crowd as well. But, Bob's doing a great job at building relationships.
Of course, Pearlie has kept my mind nimble and well versed in Malaysian travels - sometimes she keeps my tummy rumbling with some delicious photos as well!
I, on the other hand, have been suffering to blog. I get by on Facebook - but my hands are in such pain most days it's been very difficult to type. I am very grateful for my Google reader which allows me to peruse your posts with as few clicks of the mouse as possible. It's taken me most of the afternoon to type this. {sigh}
That rash I mentioned last month seemed like it might improve, then went terribly awry. I was diagnosed last week with psoriatic arthritis. My skin has improved by leaps and bounds, but some of my fingers are swollen. My right hand and arm are particularly painful. I'm surprised by this - but grateful to have what seems to be a solid and proper diagnosis and a course of action to improve the symptoms. I know many of you have described living with chronic illnesses like this and I am also very grateful for your examples of optimistic living.
August and September in New England are about as close to heaven as one could imagine. These first few days have started beautifully. We are looking forward to several outdoor festivals, a visit from some of our best friends from Texas - and to the start of a new school year (yea!). I am looking for a mother's hours job to keep both my spirits and my bank account up. I'm excited to see what comes my way.
I've missed you guys!
I've been enjoying Connie's beautiful photos and often use her posts to meditate on God's word. Her travels have truly inspired her - and me in turn.
I continue to be informed and entertained by our friend Kansas Bob. He's built up quite a following! I don't comment as much, so I don't know the new crowd as well. But, Bob's doing a great job at building relationships.
Of course, Pearlie has kept my mind nimble and well versed in Malaysian travels - sometimes she keeps my tummy rumbling with some delicious photos as well!
I, on the other hand, have been suffering to blog. I get by on Facebook - but my hands are in such pain most days it's been very difficult to type. I am very grateful for my Google reader which allows me to peruse your posts with as few clicks of the mouse as possible. It's taken me most of the afternoon to type this. {sigh}
That rash I mentioned last month seemed like it might improve, then went terribly awry. I was diagnosed last week with psoriatic arthritis. My skin has improved by leaps and bounds, but some of my fingers are swollen. My right hand and arm are particularly painful. I'm surprised by this - but grateful to have what seems to be a solid and proper diagnosis and a course of action to improve the symptoms. I know many of you have described living with chronic illnesses like this and I am also very grateful for your examples of optimistic living.
August and September in New England are about as close to heaven as one could imagine. These first few days have started beautifully. We are looking forward to several outdoor festivals, a visit from some of our best friends from Texas - and to the start of a new school year (yea!). I am looking for a mother's hours job to keep both my spirits and my bank account up. I'm excited to see what comes my way.
I've missed you guys!
First of the Summer Days...
Well, I think we got my thyroid at peak. I'm physically energetic - mentally focused - and emotionally stable. Yeehaw! There have been some setbacks, but I'll get to that in a moment.
Today was the first full day at home with the kids, and my new found energy was definitely tested. My kids spear-headed a project with all the neighborhood kids to break a Guinness Book of World Records record. They spent the late morning researching and brainstorming and finally began to construct the world's longest hopscotch game - got to 200 squares and realized their data was incorrect. They thought 434 squares was the number to beat, but had misread that the record was 434 GAMES played in a row. The number to beat was 10,001 squares (about 2 miles). So with rain soon returning to wash away the chalk, they reconvened and settled on making the longest strand of beads. After taking up bead donations for an hour, they settled down at my kitchen table and front porch for six hours to begin stringing 18,000 beads. They had collected more than 22,000 beads, but only need somewhere over 17,000 to beat the record - 164 ft. They completed about 65 ft today. I ran snacks and drinks, bandaged some needle pricks and listened to a dozen or so 6 - 12 year olds converse about life. It was brilliant. There are lose beads all over the place.
One of the setbacks I've had is a terrible rash that broke out from head to toe immediately after I began the last raised dosage of my meds. I'm fairly certain it's from a food allergy or sensitivity - specifically gluten, so I've cut gluten out of my diet. It's not improving quick enough for my friends, so they gave me til tomorrow, then I have to call the doc. This autoimmune disorder could have been masking other issues, so I was prepared for some surprises. I am a bit of a hermit on the days the rash is worsened, but I'm working it out.
Summer is well on it's it way, and I am far more prepared to enjoy the time with my kids than I've been in a long time!
Today was the first full day at home with the kids, and my new found energy was definitely tested. My kids spear-headed a project with all the neighborhood kids to break a Guinness Book of World Records record. They spent the late morning researching and brainstorming and finally began to construct the world's longest hopscotch game - got to 200 squares and realized their data was incorrect. They thought 434 squares was the number to beat, but had misread that the record was 434 GAMES played in a row. The number to beat was 10,001 squares (about 2 miles). So with rain soon returning to wash away the chalk, they reconvened and settled on making the longest strand of beads. After taking up bead donations for an hour, they settled down at my kitchen table and front porch for six hours to begin stringing 18,000 beads. They had collected more than 22,000 beads, but only need somewhere over 17,000 to beat the record - 164 ft. They completed about 65 ft today. I ran snacks and drinks, bandaged some needle pricks and listened to a dozen or so 6 - 12 year olds converse about life. It was brilliant. There are lose beads all over the place.
One of the setbacks I've had is a terrible rash that broke out from head to toe immediately after I began the last raised dosage of my meds. I'm fairly certain it's from a food allergy or sensitivity - specifically gluten, so I've cut gluten out of my diet. It's not improving quick enough for my friends, so they gave me til tomorrow, then I have to call the doc. This autoimmune disorder could have been masking other issues, so I was prepared for some surprises. I am a bit of a hermit on the days the rash is worsened, but I'm working it out.
Summer is well on it's it way, and I am far more prepared to enjoy the time with my kids than I've been in a long time!
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